Warning: the following post is one in which I unapologetically use "wordie dirties". This disclaimer will have to suffice for the Lincolns and Jacksons I'd otherwise be stuffing in your cursing jar, or whatever the hell it's called. See? already.
Anyway, if things like this bother you, then... wait? why and how do you read my blog in the first place?
Cystic Fibrosis is frequently abbreviated "CF". So much so, that hearing - or even more so, saying - "Cystic Fibrosis" out loud is kind of like hearing my parents call me by my full name. Recently, I've noticed a handful of other little phrases trying to steal my beast's thunder. Two favorite, and incredibly apropos iterations:
One of the more famous quotes from Coco Chanel, and one of my favorites, is "A girl should always be two things: classy and fabulous." The irony of the initials involved here were not lost on me, and I frequently joke that "Until CF stands for 'Cure Found' (a favorite CFF play on words), I'll be shooting for Classy and Fabulous." I am bound and determined to somehow work this into/onto my fundraising materials, but shall keep mum on the deets for the time being. I will say that leopard print will - nay, MUST - be involved.
A la James Lipton, one of my favorite curse words is, in fact, "THE EFF WORD". I use it more than I should, and I don't feel as guilty as I should when I do (read: rarely, if at all).
SIDEBAR: I have very few vices, and not out of some majestic unicornian sense of self-control, but because if there's one thing I loathe more than mayonnaise or frogs, it's being wrong. Being in a position of legitimately deserving an "I told you so" is a sub-category of "being wrong". So if you'll loop back with me on that little logical rabbit trail, my lack of traditional vices is owed almost entirely to my unwillingness to put myself in the position to be told "I told you so" and/or "you were wrong (aka stupid)" and very little to a lack of interest in said vices, or lack of need for said vices. So since my intellectual inferiority complex has rendered me all Adam Ant ("don't drink, don't smoke, what doooo you do?") - well, I curse like a sailor.*
*when I'm sure it won't make me look stupid and/or wrong. I'm telling you, it's a problem. Also, I am painfully aware that despite the fact that my natural frame, bone structure, hair texture, and childishly large eyes lend themselves almost exclusively to a Stepford Wife/Suburgatory 'look', this particular vice is about the worst-possibly suited for attempting and maintaining the aforementioned "classy and fabulous" charade. I think I'd likely be better off drinking Wild Turkey from the bottle while exclaiming "gee, whiz!" or shouting "jeepers, creepers!" over the skyrocketing price of a carton of Marlboros.
IRONIC ACRONYMS, TIME IN: So. Where was I? Oh, yes. I heart the eff word. (Phonics are phun). So naturally, I heart most any vulgar extension of the eff word, but MOST especially, (hold your ears, delicate ones) - *ClusterFuck*. I don't know where it came from; I know that I first heard it (and began poaching it liberally) from Jon "can I have your children or at least work on your writing team" Stewart. This whole post is already totally off the tracks, and I'm not going to push it further by *researching the linguistic origin of clusterfuck*. I will, however, point out to you that it is best and frequently abbreviated for the sake of the pearl clutchers as...wait for it...
C.F.
Oh, the irony. OOOHH, the joy.
I mean, how perfect, right?
CF: (see-EFF) abbreviation
1. Cystic Fibrosis
2. Classy (and) Fabulous - SEE Coco Chanel
3. ClusterFuck - SEE Jon Stewart
Pretty well sums up the whole shebang for me, too. See, the CYSTIC FIBROSIS is a CLUSTERFUCK of a disease, all snorts and snots and loogies and poops, and psyche-as-playground-tether-ball about things like careers and life expectancy and insurance and oh, god, eww, poops again - that as a result, has instilled (in me, at least) a sneaky obsession with at least *appearing* to be Classy (see, "not gross") AND Fabulous (see, "not scared"; also, "not lazy") as frequently and to as great a degree as possible.
But then, guess what? CYSTIC FIBROSIS. HACK - pat-thooie! - SNORK.
Bait and switch. *wink*.
What a Clusterfuck.
No comments:
Post a Comment